(Intro) Today I’m gonna show you several different ways to dice an onion. (Chop) (R.I.P onion) Cut the onion in half that way. Peel it. Leave the nub on, then slice this way. (Very fast chopping) Slice this way. (More rapid chopping) Careful here, your knife has to be sharp or else it will slide. Dont wanna chop your fingers off. Congratulations, you did a great job. This next way was the main way people chopped things before the 40s when knives were invented. And what you wanna is just, firmly throw it against against the wall. And there you can just grab each other individual piece and chuck that against the wall to make it more fine. chuck that against the wall to make it more fine. The next technique you will only be able to do if you have a yellow belt In taekwondo like me, and if you beat your cousin Chris to win first place in the St. Croix college tournament then you will be able to pull this one off. So want you want to do is just line up your hand and give it a good… (Loud noise incoming) DOW! (R.I.P headphone users) Look at that! That is a nice, clean hit right there. Alright, next technique is pretty straight forward, You wanna take your knife and get a Double A battery, and touch the positive end to the knife To get the electricity flowing, You just wanna come up and touch… (Zapity zap) See, I made the classic blunder of not peeling it first, so now im gonna have to go through take the skin off. Dont be stupid like me! (slams battery on counter) This next one will be easy for you if you have a break dancing background its definitely advanced it takes a few trys. Your just trying to get, sorta on the fore- (Thud) (Slam) Trying to hit the right spot on the forearm. There we go! This is one of my ’cause it relies On the power of sound, what you wanna do is put some headphones on the onion, and then you just dial a specific frequency of Nickelback and- (Nickelback guitar sounds) This next one relies on pressure, you wanna take a really small frying pan, you gotta hit it JUST hard enough to shatter but DO not go too hard. So, you wanna wind up and just give it a nice, firm, strike. (Thud) Damn it! See i went too hard and i got black beans. Y-You go even harder than that and you end up with uh, corn. so, (Eats black bean) Alright, Alright. The last technique relies on centrifugal force, what you wanna do is wind up and give your onion a good spin, aaaanndd all that happens is your gonna end up making your onion dizzy, and you should probably have more respect for your onion than that, considering what you’re about to put it through Okay bye!