Matinum

Taking Charge of Your Health


(Intro) Today I’m gonna show you several different ways to dice an onion. (Chop) (R.I.P onion) Cut the onion in half that way. Peel it. Leave the nub on, then slice this way. (Very fast chopping) Slice this way. (More rapid chopping) Careful here, your knife has to be sharp or else it will slide. Dont wanna chop your fingers off. Congratulations, you did a great job. This next way was the main way people chopped things before the 40s when knives were invented. And what you wanna is just, firmly throw it against against the wall. And there you can just grab each other individual piece and chuck that against the wall to make it more fine. chuck that against the wall to make it more fine. The next technique you will only be able to do if you have a yellow belt In taekwondo like me, and if you beat your cousin Chris to win first place in the St. Croix college tournament then you will be able to pull this one off. So want you want to do is just line up your hand and give it a good… (Loud noise incoming) DOW! (R.I.P headphone users) Look at that! That is a nice, clean hit right there. Alright, next technique is pretty straight forward, You wanna take your knife and get a Double A battery, and touch the positive end to the knife To get the electricity flowing, You just wanna come up and touch… (Zapity zap) See, I made the classic blunder of not peeling it first, so now im gonna have to go through take the skin off. Dont be stupid like me! (slams battery on counter) This next one will be easy for you if you have a break dancing background its definitely advanced it takes a few trys. Your just trying to get, sorta on the fore- (Thud) (Slam) Trying to hit the right spot on the forearm. There we go! This is one of my ’cause it relies On the power of sound, what you wanna do is put some headphones on the onion, and then you just dial a specific frequency of Nickelback and- (Nickelback guitar sounds) This next one relies on pressure, you wanna take a really small frying pan, you gotta hit it JUST hard enough to shatter but DO not go too hard. So, you wanna wind up and just give it a nice, firm, strike. (Thud) Damn it! See i went too hard and i got black beans. Y-You go even harder than that and you end up with uh, corn. so, (Eats black bean) Alright, Alright. The last technique relies on centrifugal force, what you wanna do is wind up and give your onion a good spin, aaaanndd all that happens is your gonna end up making your onion dizzy, and you should probably have more respect for your onion than that, considering what you’re about to put it through Okay bye!

100 thoughts on “7 Ways to Chop an Onion: You Suck at Cooking (episode 9)

  1. 1:10 that's unrealistic: in order to get electricity flowing, both ends need to be touching the knife (assuming your knife has a potential difference).

  2. For a finer dice may I suggest Slayer instead of Nickleback, besides nobody should subject a self respecting onion to Nickleback

  3. I think he's a wizard, has a great sense of humour and has a hot voice, therefore he's probably SUPER hot.

  4. I think I went too hard because instead of getting black beans or corn I got grapes somehow. Or maybe i didn’t go hard anough. Hmm

  5. Lmao my favourite part is the fact he said taekwondo and used his hand and taekwondo is focused more on the lower body

  6. I threw 2 onions at my wall, and after realizing it was a joke, I sat down on my bed and thought of why i thought it was real…was it the on point editing skills…..am i just a fucking Idiot…..as i sat down thinking about my life choices I came back to the video, and watched some other methods he portrayed….this is a warning, onions do not get dizzy, they dont feel anything as a matter….after trying this method out and having my mother walk in on me with a disappointed expression I finally found out that the only way to chop an onion, other than force, is
    a knife. This may seem usless, but this video teaches us that humans are dumb, and that half of his viewers, just like me, tried out atleast one method. Good day.

  7. Kvkfjbb j cf. Gdx. H h h. Hh. Hh h h. H hh. V hh. Hv h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h h hh. Hh h h h. Hh hhhagagagagahahahahhahahahhahahahhahaahhaahahahhahavavs hh s h h ha ha ha h ah a hh a hah a h y hah ah y ah ay auny abbbahbbhah ah h ay ah. Hah a ha hh ah a h ha hhaha
    Mmmmmh

  8. Look I can see that you're a badass chopping those onions, but are you bad enough to mince them?……..HMMMMM?

  9. They all work. Amazing tips. This actually made it so much easier to cut onions. 10/10 tips 👌

  10. I'm a ballroom dancer and when I tried the fifth technique, it turned into a huge pile of onion rings. Is this normal? I mostly practice waltz if that helps :/

  11. Actually, the science of the one with the battery is that the positive (which actually is where the energy goes in) side touches the kitchen knife, which touches the onion and absorbs the life force.

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