Matinum

Taking Charge of Your Health


okay the way I see it though is I did exactly w-what you said and… you’re just… not happy, cause I- -No Devon. I’m actually consciously trying not to yell at you right now. Okay? Look, do you have the sp… *Devon quietly* yeah Here, do you see that? Sands of Solomon What I asked for What’d you give me October Harvest or some shit Too much cream, tastes like piss! But I’m gonna drink it anyway. But I though- Oh SHUT UP Devon, do you want to get your credit or… Oh hey *clatter* uhmmm Today we’re gonna make Really deluxe cheese and crackers *slurp* Mmm What we’re gonna need is, a really thin cracker gonna need a slab of avacado Just gonna take it right off the top I think this was basically how the wheel was discovered That’s honestly too much but I’m going with it cause I love avocado Lets make it half a wheel I’m just gonna eat that and you wanna take some triple cream brie Make sure you only buy enough for one or two crackers at a time Gotta make sure that the uhh The paper looks really gross put that on there Chop up some green onion chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop oh I learned something, you’re not supposed to do this with the knife scrape scrape scrape scrape scrape Don’t do that sprinkle it, on top You know how I feel about hermogony Make it hermogonous That’s too much of that Gonna put on, Just a little bit of salt I keep my salt in this open bag so that it stays fresh. I’m temporarily without a pepper grinder so I’m just gonna Take a couple pepper corns and Hit em with the ratchet cause I don’t own a hammer yet, but.. I’m saving up oh shit that’s oh. That’s nutmeg ugh! Where are you peppercorns? Son of a bitch! C’mon! Or maybe it’s cloves I’m not sure or nom nom nom Maybe its clothes cloves? I dunno, I don’t know much about ingredients so You use pepper please We’ll just pretend that’s pepper and… shit is that it? You can put on a lil hot sauce if you want This is basically like that sandwich I made before (fuck) So, really, that’s it uhhm This… this thing is.. Ridiculously good If you encounter a friend, who doesn’t like this It is valid grounds for submitting your friendship resignation papers And if you’ve never done that before, or you don’t know the text I posted it on the You Suck At Cooking facebook page so.. uhh hopefully you won’t have to use it *crunch* mmm MMM That nutmeg or cloves or whatever it is might be better than pepper. hm I might have to re-do this You suck at cooking oh my god you suck, You suck at cooking oh my god you suck So Much At cooking you Suck So Much.

100 thoughts on “Deluxe Cheese and Crackers – You Suck at Cooking (episode 6)

  1. Devon has the wrong attitude.
    Own your mistakes, Devon!
    Learn how to handle your cream, Devon!
    NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR $#!tT¥ EXCUSES FOR YOUR INADEQUACY, DEVON!

  2. CLOVE ROCKS!!! Clove plays more instruments than Prince & writes a new symphony every day! Clove is an Olympic gold medal bobsledder & shark trainer- At the same time!Clove once piloted a helicopter over Everest on a Tuesday! Clove spanks your ham til it's tasty then skinnydips in your mulled wine because: Christmas! Clove romanced all the Bond girls while putting on two pair of pants two legs at a time – without even having legs! Clove got smashed by a wrench & said, "Thanks for the massage, bro." Clove uses a jet fighter to waterski. And a water ski to fight jets. Clove spars with Chuck Norris- when no other clove is available. Clove mated with an orange & created a new day to the week! Clove cures toothaches- just by staring deeply into your eyes! Clove let Tesla take credit for most of the scientific breakthroughs! Clove also crochets – but really embroidery is clove's thing.

  3. everyone's talking about how they're good at crochet but i'm just thinking about the aerospace engineers who are insulted by that line about jets

  4. I love how he says you can’t fly a helicopter yet . YSAC is more supportive than my closest friends.

  5. I give this an interest rating of 4 minutes out of 4 min and 18 sec. The Ladybug wrap up is like a painful extraction of a rock hard hair clinging booger.

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