Matinum

Taking Charge of Your Health


Energy Balls: Energy Balls: do they really contain energy? Or is it just a myth created by the Food Conglomerates, to sell you balls that you don’t even need, to stuff in a face that you don’t even want. Because we’re making energy balls, Because we’re making energy balls, we’re only going to use ingredients that have energy in them. So only things composed of matter. So we’re going to take a cup of oats, a half cup of peanut butter, and then a third cup of some sticky stuff. Honey, Honey, maple syrup, Honey, maple syrup, wood glue, Honey, maple syrup, wood glue, molasses Honey, maple syrup, wood glue, molasses, gossip; Honey, maple syrup, wood glue, molasses, gossip; whatever. Then just add anything that contains energy. A can of gas, A can of gas, batteries, A can of gas, batteries, a lighter, A can of gas, batteries, a lighter, a rusty barbecue, A can of gas, batteries, a lighter, a rusty barbecue, electricity, A can of gas, batteries, a lighter, a rusty barbecue, electricity, a young dog, A can of gas, batteries, a lighter, a rusty barbecue, electricity, a young dog, a vacuum cleaner, A can of gas, batteries, a lighter, a rusty barbecue, electricity, a young dog, a vacuum cleaner, the Sun; Whatever. I’m gonna go with a half cup of coconut, I’m gonna go with a half cup of coconut, a handful of almonds, I’m gonna go with a half cup of coconut, a handful of almonds, and some chia seeds. Now these things won’t power your Zune or get your Lambo to the club, but they will temporarily charge your meat suit. Oh, I almost forgot: Oh, I almost forgot: a teaspoon of vanilla. a.k.a The Ketchup of Baking. If it’s too dry and it won’t mix, If it’s too dry and it won’t mix, just add a bit more peanut butter If it’s too dry and it won’t mix, just add a bit more peanut butter or other sticky stuff. And then when you’re wangjangling this, And then when you’re wangjangling this, you find out why they’re really called Energy Balls. Which is because to get this stuff together, it takes around 17 gigatrons of Wrist Thrust. Once it’s mixed, you’re gonna want to put this inside the fridge, or not inside the fridge, for about an hour so the oats can soak up the wet stuff. [TWANG] Once that’s done, you can start rolling it into balls. And so we can technically call it “cooking”, we’ll throw the un-do on a couple hun-do and wave it in there for two or three parsecs. Keep in mind that balls are not the only shape that can store energy. You can have an Energy Pyramid, or the most powerful shape in the universe: or the most powerful shape in the universe: the Energy Donut, Energy Parallel-Lines, an Energy Bracelet, or an Energy Pickle. Let’s be serious though Let’s be serious though this is really just an excuse to make something that tastes like a candy bar Let’s be serious though this is just an excuse to make something that tastes like a candy bar while pretending it’s healthy, but that’s cool! I don’t judge. I don’t judge… myself. But more importantly, But more importantly, is this an Energy Ball? Or is it just an Energy Sphere? I say it’s a sphere. If this was a ball, If this was a ball, then when I throw it, If this was a ball, and then I throw it, then it- …okay maybe it’s a ball. If you’re the kind of person who already has too much energy, you might want to consider making Lethargy Squares, or Calming Circles, or the Energy Balls’ greatest enemy: The Lazy-Fuck Cube. You always want to test to make sure that the balls are full of energy, and there’s a number of ways you can do this. [light turns on] Yep, that’s got energy. [fire turns on] Yep, that’s got energy. [car turns on] That doesn’t make sense, That doesn’t make sense, but that’s got energy. [candle turns on] Yep. Definitely got energy. [sea turns on] Yep, that’s got energy. But the real test is to see if it gives you energy when you eat it. I can eat this one and see if I can run a hundred meters I can eat this one and see if I can run a hundred meters faster than my personal best of 6.4 seconds. Feeling kinda fine, I’m just gonna go run over towards that dog there. Heh. That has energy. ♪ Balls! ♪ ♪ Of Energy! ♪ ♪ Are a big! ♪ ♪ Responsibility! ♪ ♪ When you eat one ♪ When you eat one there’s a faint possibility that you’ll blow up! ♪ ♪ So tread carefully! ♪ ♪ Energy! ♪ ♪ Balls! ♪ ♪ They’ll give you more power, ♪ They’ll give you more power than ethanol! ♪ ♪ ‘Cause, you’ll be sprinting ♪ ‘Cause, you’ll be sprinting like a hyped-up chicken ♪ ‘Cause, you’ll be sprinting like a hyped-up chicken on a seeding great bender(?) till you hit a wall! ♪ ♪ Energy Balls! ♪ ♪ You’ll never stall! ♪ ♪ Baby, they’ll lower your cholesterol! ♪ ♪ Balls of energy, eat the electricity, utter simplicity, you will eat all! ♪ ♪ Energy Ball, where you goin’? ♪ ♪ Whatchu think about when you’re rollin’? ♪ fin. captions done and timed by the teal seal
please rectify any mistakes as a reply to my comment
or an edit to these captions hope you enjoyed!

100 thoughts on “Energy Balls – You Suck at Cooking (episode 72)

  1. i hope that when you said “wet stuff” and put the mixture on top of the amp you were talking about the reverb on the amp as a subtle guitar joke 🙂

  2. "…to stuff into a face that you don't even want"
    well shit i guess it's gender dysphoria o'clock again

  3. You have great content I have seen something like this since the old days for YouTube and it shows me how to cock ima leave a sub if you don’t mind

  4. Was cooking with my sister the other day. Told her to wangjangle the cake batter. Thanks to this channel, and her lack of cooking experience I legit confused her.

  5. Do you live on some kind of wild dog preserve, or are you kept by a society of super adorable and genius dogs?

  6. I made these with a slightly different recipe and they were so sweet like pure sugar (i didn’t put any sugar in)

  7. I used ingredients that had no energy- Antimatter energy balls taste great! ( I don't think my universe exists anymore)

  8. How to check if something is a ball….

    Throw it and see if your dog brings it back otherwise it's an sphere…

  9. YSAC making songs about the foods he's cooking has the same energy as shane writing songs in the hot doga to piss ryan off

  10. Hi Mr. Yousuck. I want to thank you. I watched this video about a year ago and since then I have fully unlocked the power of Energy. I just wanted to clarify one thing that I've learned since I first watched your video: The reason you need to put the balls in the undoe for 2-3 parsecs is NOT so you can "technically call it cooking," as you claim at 1:23. It is actually to reduce energy levels down to a point where they will actually be fit for human consumption. If you try to eat them without that crucial step, you will die from too much Energy. It's a common misconception. Just thought you viewers might like to know.

  11. Insert some sticky stuff…

    Realizes u have no honey or angel other sticky thing

    NUTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ON THE DISH

  12. @0:08 to 0:10 – "…to stuff in a face that you don't even want". = Ain't that the truth!

    Q: What's brown and sticky (other than peanut butter)?
    A: @1:02 to 1:05
    (Yep. I detect that as a Dad Joke)

  13. Actually you can get energy from anyrhing by splitting it's atomic cores. The real problem is not to spend more energy than you will get.

  14. people back then I bet there will be flying cars in the future
    What we have ENERGY BALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSS ANIMMMMMMEEEEEEEE GUCCCCCIIII GANNANANANANNANANANANANNAAAAAANG POOP
    People in 2005 Little Timmy don't time travel too far

  15. “Balls! Of energy. Are a big. Responsibility! When you eat one there is a chance you will blow up!

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