Matinum

Taking Charge of Your Health


The primary rule of today’s medicine is “first of all, do no harm.” Of course, there are some lousy doctors, but believe me – today’s medicine is a masterpiece compared to what was practised not that long ago. This episode is for people with strong nerves, as we’re going to tell you about the craziest treatment methods of all time. Right now, in History Uncensored. Many people think if someone is supposed to die, he or she will die because that’s the will of God. This is not new. There were many people thinking like that in ancient times already, but of course they still tried to treat the sick if it came to that. Local shamans served as the first “doctors” and their methods were rather doomed to failure. In Egypt any head injuries were supposed to be treated with putting fresh meat on them, and to cure a toothache they put a dead mouse in the patient’s throat. And how were the things in Greece, the cradle of European civilization? Not much better, and surely there weren’t even nearly as good as their culture and philosophy. If you go through various sources from ancient times, you’ll learn that Greeks mostly suffered from piles. Fortunately, Hippocrates instructed how to treat them in his dissertation “On Hemorrhoids.” A few strong persons were needed for the treatment. Most of them held the patient tight and one person put hot pieces of iron on the patient’s tail end, which burnt the hemorrhoids to the accompaniment of howling and yowling. Somebody will say “hey, that actually made some sense, those Greeks weren’t that stupid”. Hold your horses. It’s just one thing. For example, the method of treating scoliosis very often made pain disappear with the patient as the treatment was to throw the sick person off a high building. But you have to give it to the Greeks, they were creative like hell since they were the first to use electroshock therapy. Now you’ll probably think “Drewniak, stop giving us bullshit. There was no electricity back then”. Well… there was, it’s just that people hadn’t harnessed its power yet. For their electroshock therapy Greeks used… electric eels! Awesome, isn’t it? It’s strange that at the same time Greeks used to promote some weird theories. The physicians in those times were convinced that what a woman has between her legs is a penis pushed inside, and if that you turned a woman inside out you’d get a regular man. Moreover, it was believed that the uterus of a single woman wanders round her body and causes bouts of hysteria. Of course, sex was the only remedy for that, cause as Rasputin used to say: without nuts women… you know what they do. If you think that Roman doctors were outstanding experts – you’re wrong. For example, Pliny the Elder advised rubbing one’s mouth with a hippo tooth to cure a toothache. For some reason, it had to be the left tooth. And if that didn’t help, you had to eat the ashes of a wolf ‘s head. So… maybe the Middle Ages were better? Yeah, sure… In the 14th century the brightest minds from Sorbona were convinced that the bubonic plague was caused by an adverse alignment of the planets which contaminated the air. Truth is, amateur physicians were better then. At least they asked their patients what was wrong. And the professionals? They only cared about their publicity. One of the most popular medieval surgeons used to say that if a doctor does not cause his patient pain, he is no specialist. Seeing a doctor had to be painful. And of course you could only dream about anaesthesia. Sometimes the doctor was accompanied by a few strong guys who held the patient. One had to have the balls to go to a doctor then, as you could never be sure you would return home alive. The doctors knew it too, so they charged their patients before any surgeries. Obviously there was no responsibility for screwing things up. If a doctor was locally better known as a murderer, he just moved to another place and continued “treating” people there. Oooh, maybe I could find a job in Argentina… Medieval physicians were huge metal fans. It doesn’t mean they were listening to Slayer during surgeries. They just thought that red hot metal was a medicine for everything – hernia, epilepsy and even excessive throat mucus. However, it was suggested that only strong people should be chosen to be treated with a hot bar because survivability rate did not induce optimism. Okay, not everyone was in a condition so serious that they had to be treated with a hot bar. However, that doesn’t mean that minor health problems were treated in a less fucked up way. If someone had lice, the doctor poured mercury over that person, put him or her next to fire, and everybody hoped that lice would die before the patient. Usually it worked. And if one became apathetic, or simply speaking – sad and indifferent? Well, then the doctor would spread some honey over the patient’s head. After a while bugs would come flying and the patient had to wave his or her hands and generally liven up to get rid of them, which was considered to be a sign that the patient was cured. Do you remember those strange masks that doctors were wearing during the bubonic plague? It’s common knowledge now that the beaks contained herbs which were supposed to protect the physicians from the deadly air, or in other words – from the bubonic plague. While it makes sense as some diseases were airborne, the alleged sources of the disease were sometimes ridiculous. For example one of the scientists in the 16th century Sweden claimed that if someone had a harelip, the person’s mother had most certainly eaten hare meat or jumped over a hare’s head during pregnancy. Yeah, ‘coz pregnant women have nothing better to do. Stop it! Don’t you have anything better to do? Surprisingly, criminals have had quite a big influence on medicine and its history. A physician called Andreas Vesalius made numerous observations when he was carefully watching a decomposing body of an impaled guy. Vesalius observed, took notes and pointed out mistakes of his colleagues. They hated him for that because according to them what Vesalius was doing, was unethical. That’s not all – at some point bodies of condemned people have become the main attraction of quite unusual parties. Most of you have probably seen that painting, but let’s make it 100% clear – it’s “The Anatomy Lesson of Dr. Nicolaes Tulp” and today it would most likely be a photo taken at an awesome party. Yes, the main attraction was an autopsy (usually of a condemned man), but of course there was also live music, speeches, and you could see a dead body from up-close, and all of that in places worthy of today’s best nightclubs. Obviously, you had to pay to get in. Since we’re speaking about parties, let’s talk about venereal diseases. Early modern Europe had to fight syphilis. Today there are antibiotics, but how did people cope with the disease then? Some of the physicians advised applying freshly skinned pigeon to the sore spots. Others considered it a half measure and immediately recommended the medical classic – the treatment with hot iron. And also mercury ointment. Generally speaking, mercury was known as a perfect medicine for many years and even Abraham Lincoln used to take it. Fortunately, he stopped just in time and died from lead… travelling very fast. And here comes the time for probably the most barbaric treatment method which makes hot bars and throwing people off buildings sound fun. In the 17th century it was widely thought that… if you have weak nerves please cover your ears now… it was thought that WARM BEER was a great medicine. And the justification for that was even better. After a period of observation it was claimed that a lot more people puke and die after drinking large amounts of cold beer than after drinking warm beer. Yeah, sure, ‘cos when you puke or die at a party it’s all about the temperature and not the amount of alcohol. To make things worse, that theory had many supporters, and some people still believe it today. Speaking of ideas that suck, let me tell you about enema. It was quite popular at some point in the past, especially in France. It is said that Louis XIII was given enemas 212 times in one year. Generally, enema was advised to highly-placed people out of concern for their mental health. And Louis XI went even further – he commissioned to give enemas to his dogs. It might sound stupid but noticing that the shorter the patient was cut open, the better, was a giant step in medicine and led to an increase in survivability of surgeries. Doctors then didn’t know yet that infections were also a factor there, but they were on the right path. Quicker surgeries were beneficial to everyone, because patients were more likely to survive, and doctors didn’t have to listen to their howling for as long as before. Yes, there still was no anaesthesia. Reportedly, a good surgeon could amputate a leg in a minute and a half. You might have already thought “okay, ordinary people might not stand a great chance to live, but the highly-placed were always advantaged.” Well, not really, because even the president of the United States could not be sure that doctors wouldn’t kill him. I’m talking about George Washington who in December of 1799 complained of a sore throat, and soon he also had problems with breathing. A popular treatment for everything then was bloodletting. So the president asked his servant to bleed him, and soon three top quality doctors arrived to help Washington. The first one ordered to bleed the president. The second one too. And the third one decided to… bleed the president. In 10 hours the first president of the United States lost approximately 2/3 of his blood, which of course quickly led to his death. Today’s medicine very quickly adapts any discoveries to its needs, and it also worked like that in the past. When people learned how to control electricity in the 19th century, doctors wanted to try it in medicine. Especially when it turned out that our nervous system conducts electricity. Electricity was used to cure everything – from poor sight to erectile dysfunction. But! Since we’re talking about “it” and the 19th century, we can’t miss the story of a certain invention. For hundreds of years there was no change in the way of treating female hysteria and it was treated by masturbating women to orgasm. However, doctors didn’t have time for such trivialities and they ordered their assistants to take care of the patients. The Industrial Revolution brought new possibilities. In the 1860s an American invented a steam-powered device with a vibrating ball on its end. It has been modified and eventually vibrators were created. At the beginning people were warned to be careful, and it was widely thought that in order to avoid abuse, vibrators should only be used in doctor’s presence. I cannot prescribe you this. For… ethical reasons. So, as you can see, for centuries medicine was more about mumbo-jumbo than science. It started to change in the late 19th century and it’s high time we learned about the event that triggered the revolution. And it was such a cliché you won’t believe it. The breakthrough was made in one of Viennese hospitals. The Hungarian head of the hospital made a significant observation. It occurred to him that there was something wrong with the fact that doctors began their work with performing autopsies and then, in the evenings, without even washing their hands they delivered babies. Sooo… he ordered the crew to wash their hands. Offended by that idea they simply expelled him from their medical society, and to cap it all he was fired from the hospital. Although most of the staff thought that a real doctor’s lab coat should be covered in blood and smell of blood, the head’s trainees did not succumb to the pressure and started washing their hands. Not much time has passed and the maternal mortality rate decreased dramatically. Obviously today we presented to you the most extreme treatment methods used through the course of history. It’s not like in the past doctors were completely useless and couldn’t cure their patients, and there was no hope for the ill. But I think we’ll all agree that, at least when it comes to medicine, we’re living in good times. Leave your thoughts in the comment section below and remember to subscribe ‘cos there’s more to come from History Uncensored.

39 thoughts on “Prescription Vibrator – Old Treatment Methods. History Uncensored.

  1. I know dlaczego you stop prowadzić this channel tu są tylko Polish comments no poland no this is isnt good

  2. Well those methods are no longer used for most cases.
    Some old treatments however are still used and start to get scientific evidence.
    Name one such, perhaps one that's thousands of years old

  3. Drewniak dawaj Wojtka bo jeden śmieszny kanał: Simple History zrobił, ale słabo i nawet bez polskiej flagi 🇵🇱🙄🤦🏻‍♂️
    https://youtu.be/0lu4rW0xaZQ

  4. I guess its pretty good. You should try to develop the English channel again because its great opportunity to show Polish and central Europe history in a funny way with interesting perspective. We need a polish youtubers with global recognition.

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