Matinum

Taking Charge of Your Health


Previously, on You Suck at Cooking… Hey, Douglas… Hey, John. They say it hurts less if you hold your breath… John! *sharp intake of breath* It wasn’t a homicide! It wasn’t John and Douglas in that water, I know it! They murdered two innocent eggs and made an escape. *glass smashes and dog barks* I believe you’ve been looking for me. Didn’t catch your name? John. *tense heartbeat thumping* Oh my god. *rapping* Hey, step back! Don’t give me flak!
– Sick. *rapping* Come at me hard and get spatula whacked!
– Tight! Then on your back with my verbal attack cuz I don’t give a crack! Ohh, so sick! Thanks, bro. K, my turn! *rapping* Hey what’s that, it’s my really strong mack… Hey hold up, hold up. What’s that? Hey, f***stick! Why dontcha take a hike? Ha ha ha, sick. Hey Jacko! Why don’t you take a, a walk down in, uh, err.. …go away! *urinating* Dude’s takin’ a piss, man! *continued urinating* *zipping up* *car noises driving away* Hey, jackstick! Shut up, Chad. *chorus sings the title* So today we’re gonna make a scramble and we’re gonna start with one of my top 56 favourite ingredients, the green onion. So what you wanna do is make sure your knife is really sharp… …don’t do that. And… Just give it a little… tap. Now one of my top 87 favourite ingredients is the sun dried tomato. Because of a tomato’s water content, you need something that’s 26 million degrees hot in order to dry it out properly. Which is why they use the sun. Lamp dried tomatoes are disgusting, they take forever to dry out, and… Moon dried tomatoes are a total ripoff, because moonlight doesn’t contain moon DNA, so there’s actually no way to prove they’re authentic. *episode 12 outro on the radio*
– Brussels sprout…… at night… When you’re in… the cuhh… nut… Are you going to meet with your friends…
– (muffled) Help! – Or just to see where the world ends…
– (muffled) Somebody! I want out, let me out!!! – Don’t even… dress when… mumble…
– (muffled) I can barely breathe in here! – …you ain’t got no doubt…
– (muffled) I’ve been kidnapped! Help! Help, let me out of here! Open up this trunk! Open this up right now! Keep it down. Where are we going? You don’t need to know. You’ll never get away with this. Quick impression, who am I? (mockingly) “You’ll never get away with this!” You have no idea who you’re dealing with– So, stove is on 6 degrees, which is less hot than the sun. Then what I like to do is put in a little bit of the sun dried tomato oil… then add in the tomatoes and the green onion. Now you just cook these for a couple of minutes… John? Hi Douglas! How was your trip to town? It was interesting. Did you get the supplies? Man, it’s gonna take forever to make this place liveable. Actually I ran into a bit of a snag. Boy am I excited to show you something! Well actually there’s something really impor- *makes a dismissal noise* Are you gonna listen to me, or what? Well it– it’s really imp- *dismissal noise again* Shut your dumb face for a second. You wanna know what I’ve been doing? What? I’ve been making you this. *soft music* I- Is that… …a trampoline? Of course it’s a trampoline, dummy! I mean… You always loved gymnastics… (I always loved gymnastics…) It’s just a little gift to celebrate us being home free for life. Well are you gonna take a bounce or what? Uhh, yeah.. I- I just need to grab my… trampoline boots… …from the car. Well don’t just stand there, I don’t got all day.
Haha, I mean… I’ll be right back. We’re ready to throw the eggs in. I’m just gonna pour those evenly. Get an even distribution going. Gonna add in some salt, some pepper pepper pepper… The worst thing you can do to eggs is overcook them. This is cooking pretty quick. Once that first layer goes, I try to keep it moving. Once they’re cooked about halfway, I turn the stove off. Because… …the difference in timing between cooked perfectly and overcooked is about one billionth of a second, and so your reflexes have to be really sharp. You have to be able to take the pan off the stove like: that quick. I’m just gonna put it back. You want ’em like, just barely cooked. What are you doing, John? I need some time to figure stuff out. You’re gonna to have to kill me, John. What makes you think that? Because if you don’t… I will hunt you down for the rest of your goddamn life until you’re dead. Oh. Well in that case… Just kidding! You get stressed, you say shit, you try to act tough, you take it back, you let me go, we call it even? *door slams* *growling* *cough cough* *continued growling* Now when you go from the pan to the plate, you wanna make sure to flip, so that the hot side is up. And what’s great about getting the
Parmegius-Reggonionius on here is that you get the chicken family working together with the cow family… …for once in their lives. And it’s just nice to see them getting along this way instead of fighting all the time. Honest to god, go make this right now. It’s incredible. *beeping* Ahh, there you are! Hang on, Dennis. I’m coming. (chorus) Youuuuu suuuuck aaaaat coooking
oh my goooood (chorus) youuuuu suuuuuuuuck.

100 thoughts on “Sun Dried Tomato Scramble – You Suck at Cooking (episode 31)

  1. Where the end of the egg story, besides them rotting or you eating them after you torture then murder them?

  2. 1,000th comment

    John has BETRAYED US
    His sentence has not been lived out from da deteggtives
    They have not punished him.

  3. Jygcuyrduyrsyetsyefsrwttuhgvihgviytvithcuhsrsrryqrqyeeyqfgyduiyoijpo,olbhgfxhfessd:it's amazing

  4. WELL @ LEAST THIS 1 WAZ BETTER
    THEN THE PREVIOUS 1 YOU DID…..
    GAY DAUGLAS & JOHN 😨 👈🏽 wtf ! …
    HOPEFULLY THEY KEEP GETTING
    BETTER 🤔 …….

  5. No, the worst thing you can do to eggs is add salt while it's cooking. It dries out the eggs. Salt comes after.

  6. I dunno…. A relationship between two bros with one of those bros constantly going 'ah-BLGBHRBBRBGHBLLRGHBB' when the other bro is trying to say something important is kinda……….. Well, it's not in my list of Relationship Goals but what do I know? I'm not an egg. Nor do I have a bro…. Cue sad soft music

  7. Day 6, Episode 31: so I swear I left a comment on this episode yesterday but I guess not. Anyway, of course this is a classic. All the egg episodes are, obviously. But tbh these scrambled eggs look delicious. Also those egg's freestyles were fire. I like to believe that song played in the car was custom made but if not please tell me what it is lol

  8. I just made this recipe and it's actually delicious. I slightly burnt everything, but even then, it's fucking goooood.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *